This is interesting to me Shane in terms of my relationship to the care my 90 year old mother needs. She is in a nursing home and the staff are overwhelmingly from cultures where elders are loved and respected and not in nursing homes. My mother is hard for me to be around for so many reasons and I'm very grateful for the care she receives there. Caring for the vulnerable is very unsexy, confronting and not part of the package of abundant life I was sold in shiny Christian spaces where everyone was glamorous and triumphant. It also necessitates slowing down and accessing patience, grace and an override of what I'd rather be doing. We are going to need each other more and more as systems collapse which feels both uncomfortable and hopeful.
It's such complex territory, especially when it comes to complex families and navigating the space when care and self-care are at odds with one another.
One of the particular complexities of caring for aged parents is often found in the way we've developed a system where care falls almost exclusively on a very small group of people (most often children, and most often the last remaining connected/geographically proximate child). They are sometimes left with torturous decisions to choose between singlehandedly meeting care needs or handing them over to "the market" and bearing the weight of that decision.
I will always maintain that care is first and foremost a societal responsibility, and while there are particular responsibilities we carry as wider family units, it's not fair for capitalism and autonomous individualism to suck so much energy out of the care economy and then chastise the few people left carrying the can.
Also, just want to say, I see you in the complexity you face, and am sending kindness.
Thank you for writing this, it's very interesting. I am someone who has many people depending on me for care in my family, and it's nice that people might just be starting to realize that this is valuable! I also work for that necessary for living money as a support worker/caregiver, as I've mentioned before, so I guess I like to double down on caring for people!
Thanks Sam. I find myself dreaming of a world where we stop shaming people who are unable to work, and turn our gaze towards those who hide in work but refuse to cary their share of care. 😆
What can I say but that we are in violent agreement on so much of what you’re expressing here.
What I would add is that indigenous communities, including Māori, have historically done a better job of recognising this, namely our fundamental interdependence and relationality, both with each other and ecology. To whit, the centrality of whānau, whenua, and manākitanga.
Well, they did before The Dudes and their missionaries colonised their material and spiritual cultures. But there is hope. Toitū Te Tiriti!
I think that's an incredibly important perspective Paul, and definitely something on the "more on that later" list! There's a little more to unpack here before we get to "Retethering", but that will be a vital component.
If readers have voices from Māori and other indigenous communities they've found helpful here, I'd love to hear them too.
This is interesting to me Shane in terms of my relationship to the care my 90 year old mother needs. She is in a nursing home and the staff are overwhelmingly from cultures where elders are loved and respected and not in nursing homes. My mother is hard for me to be around for so many reasons and I'm very grateful for the care she receives there. Caring for the vulnerable is very unsexy, confronting and not part of the package of abundant life I was sold in shiny Christian spaces where everyone was glamorous and triumphant. It also necessitates slowing down and accessing patience, grace and an override of what I'd rather be doing. We are going to need each other more and more as systems collapse which feels both uncomfortable and hopeful.
Thanks for offering this Jane.
It's such complex territory, especially when it comes to complex families and navigating the space when care and self-care are at odds with one another.
One of the particular complexities of caring for aged parents is often found in the way we've developed a system where care falls almost exclusively on a very small group of people (most often children, and most often the last remaining connected/geographically proximate child). They are sometimes left with torturous decisions to choose between singlehandedly meeting care needs or handing them over to "the market" and bearing the weight of that decision.
I will always maintain that care is first and foremost a societal responsibility, and while there are particular responsibilities we carry as wider family units, it's not fair for capitalism and autonomous individualism to suck so much energy out of the care economy and then chastise the few people left carrying the can.
Also, just want to say, I see you in the complexity you face, and am sending kindness.
Thank you for writing this, it's very interesting. I am someone who has many people depending on me for care in my family, and it's nice that people might just be starting to realize that this is valuable! I also work for that necessary for living money as a support worker/caregiver, as I've mentioned before, so I guess I like to double down on caring for people!
Thanks Sam. I find myself dreaming of a world where we stop shaming people who are unable to work, and turn our gaze towards those who hide in work but refuse to cary their share of care. 😆
What can I say but that we are in violent agreement on so much of what you’re expressing here.
What I would add is that indigenous communities, including Māori, have historically done a better job of recognising this, namely our fundamental interdependence and relationality, both with each other and ecology. To whit, the centrality of whānau, whenua, and manākitanga.
Well, they did before The Dudes and their missionaries colonised their material and spiritual cultures. But there is hope. Toitū Te Tiriti!
I think that's an incredibly important perspective Paul, and definitely something on the "more on that later" list! There's a little more to unpack here before we get to "Retethering", but that will be a vital component.
If readers have voices from Māori and other indigenous communities they've found helpful here, I'd love to hear them too.